Change: The Scariest Word You’ll Ever Embrace

Change drives life. The dynamic interactions within ecosystems are proof-positive that change is natural and necessary for survival. If change is good, then why are we so afraid of it? Why is it part of the hero’s journey?

I grew up with someone else’s voice dictating my thoughts. My mother shaped my beliefs, and not always in a positive way. When tax time rolls around, I hear myself saying the same things she did about paperwork and the emotional burden it causes. Now that death has pulled back many curtains, I know better why she made a big deal about taxes.

The attitude she bred into me had nothing to do with the actual work of tabulating numbers and everything to do with how she manipulated people and systems to get what she wanted. If she didn’t do the paperwork “right,” then she might get into hot water. Rather than change her way of being in the world and not act in “grey” areas, she blamed the system for causing her stress.

Turn Away From Fear

For many years, my mother’s many biases were my own. As a child I felt abandoned by my father…or was made to feel that way. Now I’m not so sure. In any event, I looked up to my mother. I didn’t realize she tried to mold me into a mini version of herself, but not a better version of herself. She didn’t like change. And that caused a whole host of problems.

At 45 years-of-age, I have mindsets to change that shaped what I believed about myself. That power only lies in me, not the woman who is now dead.

When the opportunity for change in lifestyle or mindset presents itself, we don’t always answer the call. Much like the hero in Joseph Campell’s monomyth of The Hero’s Journey, leaving the known for the unknown induces fear. We aren’t afraid of the challenge itself, but of our capacity to alter ourselves to overcome the challenge.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve said, “I can’t” rather than “I will do the best I can.” How many times have you felt unworthy to attempt something new? How many times have you challenged yourself to see the world from someone else’s point of view instead of your own? Do you feel like you’ll be safe if nothing changes?

Stagnancy is a Prison

When we allow ourselves to be afraid of change, we become imprisoned by “sameness.” Our routine stays the same. Our comfortable lives become very uncomfortable. The very things that we won’t give up may cause us physical harm. We become wary of people who look different and trap ourselves in a psychology of “Me” versus “the Insurmountable,” or in “Us” versus “Them.”

Lies we tell ourselves turn into barricades against adaptation and evolution:
“I’m not good enough.”
“It’s not my problem.”
“They brought it on themselves.”
“I don’t belong.”
“They don’t belong.”
“This won’t hurt me.”
“This won’t hurt them.”
“I can’t.”

Fictional protagonists don’t begin their journey if they didn’t venture beyond that which was familiar and known. In other words, if a hero fears change, the hero won’t win against the overwhelming peril. Moreover, if a hero isn’t changed by their own journey, the narrative feels empty.

Embrace Positive Change

Humans survive through adaptation. Whether a stimulus comes from without or within, how we face it and acclimate to it is an individual decision. Change causes upheaval, but it doesn’t have to be painful, or horrifying – not for the individual or a society. Whenever there was disharmony or violence, a powerful voice of unity and humanitarianism shouted back. We thrive when we work together. Our bodies thrive when it works in harmony with our hearts and minds.

We are hard-wired for societal cohesion. That’s how we survived from a time when we were the prey in the trees. Cohesion requires cooperation, not fear, and certainly not battle. True courage comes from within, not how one sets themselves above others.

The hardest thing to do is confronting our own demons. Brain weasels are the worst. They make us punish ourselves and hide the damage within things that make us feel good, like food. Instead of cherishing what nurtures our bodies, we perpetuate a cycle of self-hatred.

Let go of the discomfort that traps you. Grow in love and peace. Be patient with yourself, for the road of your hero’s journey toward change is littered with potholes. Be brave enough to embrace positive change.

If you’re so inclined, tell me what positive change you’d like to make within yourself or your community. You are the hero of your own story. How do you want your narrative to end?