On my wedding day, one of my relatives from Johannesburg, South Africa, was shocked at the wide open spaces in Scotland. She remarked that we didn’t know how lucky we were to live in cities where we don’t need to barricade ourselves in.

My aunt lived in a suburb of Jo-burg, her house surrounded by an eight-foot high fence topped with barbed wire. It was the only way she qualified for house insurance. Her sister-in-law left a loaded gun on the counter by the back door of her own home.

Since then, news of domestic and international terrorism afflicts the world on a daily basis.

Last week, it was Toronto’s turn to be under the double-edged sword of freedom.

Freedom comes with a heavy price.

I haven’t said much about the Toronto van attack, not least of which because the people who died, were injured, or witnessed the event are closer to the grief than I (as are their families). My husband and I appreciated the calls and messages asking after our safety, but we were nowhere near the event.

That Monday I pulled my scheduled posts and stayed glued to the television. I scolded a salesperson for calling me asking me how I was enjoying the fine weather. A local politician annoyed me by not turning off their robo-calls.

I cried and hugged my son tighter. I ignored every post and comment that had anything to do with equating ASD to murder. Misunderstandings over Autism already hits too close to home.

I buried myself in a week’s worth of work.

Last night, Toronto mourned as a city. I grieved with the gathering thousands at a distance.

I kissed my son more often and held my husband tighter.

And I feel guilty for moving on, if warily so.

I am lucky to live in a country that isn’t being bombed, where I have reliable access to food and shelter. Even within my own country this isn’t a guaranteed resource for everyone. Yes, I work to pay for these things, but I live relatively free from the inhumane choices of power and politics.

We should not abandon liberty for freedom. That doesn’t mean we are at liberty to be inhuman to each other, IMHO. For if we are not kind and inclusive, we are not free.

And that kind of freedom doesn’t have a price worth paying.